"It Won't Happen to Me": Debunking the Myths That Put Indian Women at Risk.

 

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Every day, around 87 women and girls face sexual violence in India. That's nearly one assault every 16 minutes, according to the National Crime Records Bureau. Yet, when we hear these statistics, there's often a voice inside us that whispers, "It won't happen to me."

I used to think that way too. Until one evening, while walking home from a bus stop in a "safe" Delhi neighborhood, a man followed me for three blocks. My heart raced as I quickened my pace, desperately searching for a crowded spot or an open shop. That day, I was lucky—a group of college students appeared around the corner, and the man disappeared. But the incident shattered my bubble of perceived immunity.

The "it won't happen to me" mindset isn't just naive—it's dangerous. It creates a false sense of security that leaves us unprepared and vulnerable. And in India, where gender-based violence remains a pressing issue, this mindset can have devastating consequences.

Many Indian women remain vulnerable due to pervasive myths about safety and risk. These myths aren't just personal beliefs; they're woven into our cultural fabric, reinforced by everything from family advice to Bollywood movies.

In this blog, I'll examine these myths, explain their psychological roots, and provide practical safety strategies. Because understanding the truth isn't about living in fear—it's about living with awareness.

Myth #1: "Violence Only Happens to Certain Types of Women".

Growing up in India, many of us have heard comments like:

"She was out late at night, what did she expect?" "Look at what she was wearing!" "Women from good families don't face these problems."

This myth suggests that violence only happens to women who somehow "invite it" through their behavior, clothing, or lifestyle.

The Reality Check.

The truth? Violence against women cuts across all boundaries:

• A 2021 study by the International Center for Research on Women found that women from higher income and educational backgrounds reported similar rates of intimate partner violence as those from lower socioeconomic backgrounds.

• According to National Family Health Survey-5 (2019-21), 30% of women across all socioeconomic classes have experienced physical violence since age 15.

• Violence affects women in metropolitan cities and rural villages alike, with similar patterns seen across states from Kerala to Punjab.

I remember interviewing Priya (name changed), a 32-year-old software engineer from Bangalore with a six-figure salary and an MBA from a prestigious university. "My colleagues would never believe what I endured at home," she told me. "They saw the successful professional, not the woman who lived in terror of her husband's temper."

The Psychology Behind the Myth.

This myth persists because of something psychologists call the "just-world fallacy"—our brain's desire to believe that the world is fair, and bad things only happen to people who deserve them.

It's comforting to think we can control our fate by behaving "correctly." But this thinking leads to victim-blaming and prevents us from addressing the real causes of violence.

Myth #2: "I'm Safe in Familiar Surroundings".

Many of us grow up fearing the unknown stranger lurking in dark alleys. Our parents warn us about talking to strangers but rarely about the dangers that might exist within our own homes or among people we know.

The Reality Check.

• According to NCRB data, in over 90% of reported rape cases, the perpetrator was known to the victim—a family member, friend, neighbor, or colleague.

• The National Family Health Survey-5 reveals that 31% of married women have experienced physical, sexual, or emotional violence by their spouses.

• During the COVID-19 lockdowns, domestic violence cases surged by 131% in districts with the strictest lockdown measures, as reported by the National Commission for Women.

My neighbor Kavita's story illustrates this reality. For years, she lived with a husband whose charming public persona masked his private violence. "Everyone thought he was the perfect husband," she once confided. "No one would believe me when I tried to hint at what was happening."

The Stranger Danger Fallacy.

The focus on "stranger danger" creates a dangerous blind spot. While we're busy looking over our shoulders on the street, we might miss warning signs from those closest to us.

This doesn't mean we should distrust everyone we know. Rather, we should be aware that familiarity doesn't automatically equal safety. Trust should be earned through consistent respect for boundaries and autonomy.

Myth #3: "It's My Responsibility to Avoid Dangerous Situations".

How many times have women heard:

• "Don't go out after dark."
• "Always travel in groups."
• "Dress modestly."
• "Keep your phone charged and location shared."

While these tips come from a place of concern, they place the burden of safety entirely on women's shoulders.

The Problem with This Approach.

This myth suggests that if a woman experiences violence, she failed to take proper precautions. It shifts responsibility from perpetrators to victims.

Think about it—when a house is robbed, do we immediately ask what the homeowner did wrong? Do we question why they had valuable items in their home? Yet when a woman faces violence, society's first questions often focus on her actions rather than the perpetrator's.

These "safety tips" also restrict women's freedom:

• A 2019 survey found that 87% of Indian women altered their behavior to stay "safe," including avoiding certain areas, not going out after sunset, and changing their clothing choices.

• Many women limit career opportunities because they involve late working hours or travel.

• A Thomson Reuters Foundation survey ranked India as the most dangerous country for women in terms of cultural traditions and sexual violence.

Reframing Responsibility.

Safety isn't just a woman's responsibility—it's a community and societal one. Real change happens when:

• Men are taught about consent and respect from childhood.
• Communities create safe public spaces.
• Law enforcement takes women's complaints seriously.
• Bystanders intervene when they witness harassment.

As my college professor once said, "We need to stop teaching women how not to get raped and start teaching society not to rape."

Myth #4: "If I'm Careful, Nothing Bad Will Happen".

This myth gives us a comforting illusion of control. If we follow all the "rules"—dress conservatively, avoid certain areas, stay vigilant—we'll be safe.

The Illusion of Control.

The harsh reality is that no amount of carefulness can guarantee complete safety in a society where gender-based violence is systemic. Women who do everything "right" still experience violence because the problem isn't their behavior—it's a culture that enables and sometimes even encourages aggression against women.

Deepa, a teacher from Chennai, shared her experience: "I did everything by the book. I wore 'modest' clothes, took 'safe' routes, carried pepper spray. But none of that mattered when my colleague decided to assault me in the school storeroom during lunch break."

Risk Assessment vs. Risk Elimination.

A healthier approach is to:

• Acknowledge that we can reduce some risks but can't eliminate all of them.
• Understand that experiencing violence is never the victim's fault.
• Focus on creating systemic change alongside personal safety measures.

This perspective allows us to take practical precautions without carrying the impossible burden of perfect self-protection.

Myth #5: "Speaking Up Will Make Things Worse".

Many women who experience violence choose silence, believing that speaking up will:

• Bring shame to their family.
• Damage their reputation.
• Result in disbelief or blame.
• Lead to worse violence.
• Disrupt their children's lives.

The Barriers to Speaking Out.

In India, these concerns aren't unfounded:

• A study by the International Center for Research on Women found that 52% of women and 42% of men believed that women should tolerate violence to keep their family together.

• Police often encourage "compromise" in domestic violence cases rather than filing reports.

• Family members frequently pressure women to stay silent to protect family honor.

• The conviction rate for crimes against women hovers around 27%, according to NCRB data.

Silence might seem protective in the short term, but it allows violence to continue and often escalate.

Breaking the Silence.

Despite these challenges, women across India are speaking up:

• Movements like #MeTooIndia have created platforms for survivors to share their stories.

• Organizations like Shakti Shalini and Breakthrough provide support for women who choose to report violence.

• Each woman who speaks out makes it easier for others to do the same.

Malini, a domestic violence survivor from Mumbai, told me, "The day I finally told my parents what was happening was the hardest day of my life. But it was also the first day of my freedom."

Understanding the Psychology Behind These Myths.

These myths persist because they serve psychological needs:

Cognitive Biases.

• Optimism bias: We naturally believe we're less likely than others to experience negative events.

• Just-world hypothesis: We want to believe that people get what they deserve—good things happen to good people and bad things to bad people.

• Illusion of control: We overestimate our ability to control outcomes.

Cultural Factors in Indian Society.

Several aspects of Indian culture reinforce these myths:

• Traditional gender roles that emphasize female submission and sacrifice.
• The concept of family honor being tied to women's behavior.
• Religious interpretations that sometimes justify male dominance.
• Media portrayals that normalize certain forms of violence against women.

Collective Denial.

These myths also serve a societal purpose—they allow us to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths about our communities. If we pretend violence only happens to "certain women" or in "certain places," we don't have to acknowledge how widespread the problem really is.

Moving Beyond Myths: Practical Approaches to Safety.

Recognizing these myths doesn't mean living in constant fear. Instead, it means adopting a balanced approach to safety:

Community-Based Solutions.

• Neighborhood Watch Programs: Communities in cities like Pune and Bangalore have created WhatsApp groups where residents alert each other about suspicious activities.

• Safe Houses: Organizations like Guria operate shelters where women experiencing violence can find temporary refuge.

• Community Education: Programs like Men Against Violence and Abuse (MAVA) work with men and boys to prevent violence before it occurs.

Technology Tools.

• Apps like Safecity allow women to report harassment and danger zones.
• Emergency apps like Nirbhaya: Be Fearless include SOS buttons that alert chosen contacts.
• Wearable devices with panic buttons are becoming more affordable and accessible.

Practical Individual Strategies.

• Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong, it probably is.
• Build a support network: Identify friends and family you can call in an emergency.
• Learn basic self-defense: Not as a guaranteed protection, but as one tool in your arsenal.
• Know your rights and resources: Familiarize yourself with laws like the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act and local support services.

Creating a New Narrative.

The most powerful change comes from shifting our collective thinking:

From Individual to Collective Responsibility.

Safety shouldn't be solely a woman's burden. We need to create a culture where:

• Men take responsibility for their behavior and hold other men accountable.
• Communities actively work to create safe environments.
• Institutions respond effectively to reports of violence.
• Everyone recognizes their role in preventing harm.

Changing the Conversation.

Instead of asking, "What was she wearing?" or "Why was she there?", we should ask:

• "Why did the perpetrator think this was acceptable?"
• "How can we prevent similar incidents?"
• "What support does the survivor need?"

Education Initiatives That Work.

• Programs like Yuvaa's "Masking Masculinity" workshops engage young men in conversations about healthy masculinity.
• School curricula that include age-appropriate discussions about consent and respect.
• Media literacy programs that help people critically analyze harmful stereotypes in films and TV.

Conclusion.

The "it won't happen to me" mindset offers temporary comfort but leaves us vulnerable in the long run. By recognizing and challenging these myths, we can:

• Take realistic steps to enhance our safety.
• Stop blaming ourselves and others for violence we experience.
• Work together to create safer communities.
• Support survivors in their healing journey.

Change begins with awareness. The next time you catch yourself thinking "it won't happen to me," remember that acknowledging risk isn't about living in fear—it's about living with clarity.

As women in India, we deserve both safety and freedom. Neither should come at the expense of the other. By facing these difficult truths together, we move closer to a world where women don't need to choose between the two.

Resources for Support.

If you or someone you know is experiencing violence, these resources can help:

• National Women's Helpline: 1091.
• Women's Helpline (Domestic Violence): 181.
• Police: 100.
• Shakti Shalini: 011-24373737.
• All India Women's Conference: 011-23389680.
• SNEHA Women's Helpline: 044-26563726.

Organizations Working on Women's Safety.

• Breakthrough (Delhi).
• Swayam (Kolkata).
• Majlis (Mumbai).
• Vimochana (Bangalore).
• North East Network (Assam).

Remember: You are not alone, and it is never your fault.